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It has taken us 9 years to get to this point: and the real work is only just beginning. For the longest time, I was sure I wanted to do a PhD. It was, to me, the clearest way that I would be able to satisfy my curiosity. It is a different kind of pleasure to sit with a problem and really think deeply on it. So when she asked me on our first date: "What do you want to do with your life?" The answer was simple. I wanted to become an academic. As I told her how much joy I found in thinking, reading and writing. She smiled and said we would make a good pair. Over the next few years we shaped our life around that shared dream and were fortunate enough to be accepted into PhD programs in the same city. But it turns out that for me, the joy I was seeking would not be found in a biology lab. The hours were long, the work was draining. The vast majority of my time was spent working with my hands at the bench - with little time to read or write. I was burnt out. To admit to myself that the dream I had since 14 was not the life I wanted... was hard. To tell her that I was giving up on the goal we had set out to achieve together was heartbreaking. I felt completely defeated and was ready to leave anything vaguely intellectual behind. But she reminded me that academia was not the only way to have a relationship with knowledge. "What about publishing?" After all, it is still an integral part of the scholarly ecosystem. You might not be producing knowledge anymore, but you would be stewarding it. You could be involved in research without being employed by a university. A few months later, I landed a job in a biology journal at an academic publisher and she progressed to her 3rd year of her PhD. We were back on track. But she would soon encounter challenges of her own. The pressures to publish (or perish) were growing more intense. Her disillusionment only grew after experiencing the precarious nature of working in a university and the intense competition (even between friends) that marks academic life. Her work is experimental. Beautiful. But different. Too different for there to be any chance of achieving the publications in high ranking journals that she would need to succeed. The choice was simple: conform or leave. One night she told me: "I can't continue in academia after I graduate. It is not the place I dreamed it would be." We looked at each other and wondered "where it had all gone so wrong?" Had we been fools for desiring a scholarship that was slow and thoughtful? Was the joy we had hoped to find in academia - by being in a relationship with knowledge - nothing more than a childish fantasy? It certainly seemed that way. To us, academia, and it's associated institutions like publishing, with their emphasis on speed, metrics and production are not places where scholarship can thrive. We could not accept it. To us, being a Scholar is recognizing that slowness is not a luxury - but necessary for meaningful knowledge creation. To be a Scholar is to feel a responsibility for knowledge: to care for it. Yes, knowledge is useful. But it is not only useful. It is also joyous. And so, we have created our own space dedicated to scholarship. In this space, we reject the creation of knowledge purely for its usefulness. Instead we focus on its beauty and celebrate how it satisfies our desire to know. We call it The Scholarly Letter. We don't do paywalls and we don't do ads. Every Thursday, we send a (news)letter to a community of 3,000 scholars, para-academics, and curious minds who care about the integrity of thought, the future of scholarship, and the deeper meaning of intellectual work. And every week, some of them write back. Maybe you reading this, dear Scholar, would like to join our community? We would love to have you. You can read previous editions of The Scholarly Letter (and sign up to receive the next one) through the link in my bio. #scholar #phd #academia #research #science #phdtok
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